MY FINAL NOTE: My last entry of the contest 5-6-06

We are now at the end of a wonderful journey. Or is this just the beginning? It’s actually quite difficult for me to put into words my ending thoughts…and you know me – I’m seldom at a loss for words. I have to begin by first giving my very deepest thanks to Powerhouse Gym and Chad and Kim Coy! Chad and Kim are two of the most generous people I have ever met. Even though there can only be one winner in this contest Chad and Kim made it possible for all of us feel like winners. Do you realize that the cost of the past 39 training sessions would normally cost about $3000? Yet that’s the gift that the Powerhouse Gym gave to each and everyone of us during this competition. And yet this gift was so much more than just what it’s worth in terms of monetary value. I have tremendously enjoyed these training sessions! I know that statement makes one want to laugh given all my crying, whining, and aching. But the personal training is where I learned. I started the competition wanting to cry before I went to my training session. Then after one or two sessions I cried during my training sessions. Towards the end as I felt myself getting stronger and I found myself accomplishing more than I thought I could I fought back tears of joy as I left. I really am grateful to all the trainers that helped me. Chad, Rob, and Dutch were the three that got stuck with me the most. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart. Chad tortured me like he would a little sister. Rob encouraged me and then made my legs ache like I never thought possible. And Dutch chided me and pushed me and always gave me a high five and a “great job” at the end. Even the trainers that I never personally got to train with were very encouraging to me. Shelly helped me with my measurements and always gave me a smile. Tyson encouraged me, then he teased me with false reports of the other competitors progress just to get me going, and then on occasion would stop by and help my trainer make things even tougher for me. And the other contestants became so much more that competitors. They became true friends. I admire Michelle. I’m baffled by Jeff. And I absolutely adore my new friend and true winner – Erin! And most of all I can’t forget my most important partner – my loving husband. Without him and his faithful love and encouragement I wouldn’t have started this let alone make it through to the end. I learned so much at the Powerhouse Gym - this home away from home! I learned that you don’t have to fear the logo with the powerlifter and the drooping weights. Inside I found people just like me. People of all body types and hair and skin color. People that I have grown to love and look forward to seeing. They are all there with a common bond- just trying to carve out a healthier lifestyle. I think I’ve found that life. Here at the end I find myself instinctively eating smaller portions. I can eyeball a plate and just know if it’s over 400 calories. I even think I have more of a desire to eat to live rather than to live to eat. And most of all I feel the strongest I’ve ever felt. I really mean that. In my past I’ve lost weight dozens of times. Sometimes even more weight even faster than I did this time. But for me this time wasn’t just about losing weight. I mean I thought it was at the beginning. But now I realize it was about so much more. The other day Kim called me an athlete and I just wanted to laugh out loud. While I still wouldn’t place that title on myself just the thought that someone like her would lovingly flatter me with those words means that something more than my waistline has changed. Let me tell you what changed on the outside first. My weight went from 179 to 156.2. Thanks to Shelly I know that I lost 20 ½ inches over all. I went from a size 16 jeans to a comfortable 12 and soon to be comfortable 10. And while all of that is exciting – let me tell you the best news. Here’s what you won’t notice when you pass me on the street. I can run. I like to run. And I have an inner strength that pushes me to keep going. I no longer cry when I’m getting dressed up to go out on a special occasion. I’m not hiding anymore when I spot an old friend at the grocery store. When we hang out with friends I enjoy listening to them and find myself pulled in to them instead of weighed down with thoughts of how uncomfortable I am and fighting the desire to run home and hide in my sweatpants. And when I walk into the local coffee shop I notice others instead of hoping none of them notice me. That’s what I wanted from the beginning. To be healthy and strong enough on the inside that I focus on others and not myself. It’s odd isn’t it? That all this work on me has helped me be more loving to others again. And in the end to me that’s what it’s all about. God gave us each other because we help each other grow and change. In the end I’ve become convinced that there are three key ingredients to lifelong change. You have to have the willingness to give up and not do it your way anymore. You have to have the resolve to persevere knowing that good things really don’t happen overnight. And third you have to have the partnership of others who care about you and are faithful to keep you accountable no matter how you think you feel at the moment. We need each other. Those of you who have been so sweet and patient to read these articles and share in my thoughts and encourage me on the street – thank you! You made the journey special. Let’s keep changing and growing together. If you’d like to continue the journey together you can find all my past blogs and all my future ones at kokomocandi.blogspot.com. See you there and at the gym! Sign up at the Powerhouse or gym of your choice tomorrow and let’s continue together!!